If I have made mistakes, I am so sorry. He has my heart. I love everything about him. I will always take care of him and love him forever. I hurt so much. I am kind of falling apart, because I don't trust them.

I could barely sleep.

Each day goes by so slowly.

When I was so ill, all I could think was how scared I was to think I could die without seeing him again.

Please keep him safe and always knowing he is so very loved.

I am very glad that I am doing so much better. I was so ill I felt like I was ebbing away.

I love his loyalty to those he cares about.

If I am too sick to drive, or have someone drive me, I will call 911.

I will go tomorrow, if I can.

I was so sick last night, I could not hold my head up. I have tried to stay relaxed and lying down. I will probably see about an MRI, but not sure what I have for coverage for it. I have only basic. But this has been going on too long.

I may need to go get an MRI. I have been sick for around 2 weeks. (Dizzy, nauseated, bad, bad headaches.)

•  I feel so sick. I need help.

I feel awful. I think I need an MRI.

My stepfather just passed on. My mother is fragile. I need to make her my priority and keep her from despair. She said a poem I had written for the one I love, was a comfort to her right now. I feel honored.
I wish I had the one I love near to me and able to speak to him. I miss him and need him.

I think things will soon be over. And it will be lovely.

I wish I could know if he ever thinks of me.

My heart is in his hands. He is my hero, my friend, my protector and the one I love.

I want to see him again.

I no longer get to use my online health account. It was slammed down a few years ago. Ask Dr. Koa.

Of course I love him.

The horrible man will do anything to keep me from seeing my friend again. But it is all I want to do. I hope he will see me; I live for it, nothing else.

So, people could throw false law at me, yell at me all of which made me suspicious and worried and made me protective and desperate, but I screwed up? I was frightened to death and wanted to save someone I care about, yet I am the bad guy? I was never told any rules, etc, yet I was supposed to understand? I think that instead of it making me a dumbass, or bad, why doesn't show that I would do anything for someone I care about, even at the risk my own safety? So, I have added on more time, because I worried? That is crazy. I can be beaten up and taunted and that is okay, but my trying to protect a loved one gets me punished? Wow. I hope you see the wrong in that. All I knew was it was false law and it scared me. Does no one care how sad and in such despair it has made me? It is like being told to win a chess tournament without ever knowing how to play....or the rules. I don't feel like a fool, I feel like people got a thrill from my suffering and the precious time off of my life. What sadistic people created this? I have lived an absolute, horrific nightmare. I guess I just sit here and wait for what ever cruel thing happens next? I have been sobbing my eyes out for days and am so tired I can barely stand it and I am the one who is punished?

My disgust is endless. My health has suffered. This was a terrible joke and not funny. It was grown up bullying. I am angry. Life is short enough and I have had horror through much of it. All I can say is fuck you to everyone who made me suffer and want to die many times over. It was inhumane.
Cp

I don't understand. I guess I don't belong in this world. No one cares how much I hurt. I could never allow that for anyone else. I care about people. I cannot process this. C
Hide quoted text
On Wed, Oct 9, 2019, 6:14 AM Haviva von Martinitz <countessprague@gmail.com> wrote:
So, people could throw false law at me, yell at me all of which made me suspicious and worried and made me protective and desperate, but I screwed up? I was frightened to death and wanted to save someone I care about, yet I am the bad guy? I was never told any rules, etc, yet I was supposed to understand? I think that instead of it making me a dumbass, or bad, why doesn't show that I would do anything for someone I care about, even at the risk my own safety? So, I have added on more time, because I worried? That is crazy. I can be beaten up and taunted and that is okay, but my trying to protect a loved one gets me punished? Wow. I hope you see the wrong in that. All I knew was it was false law and it scared me. Does no one care how sad and in such despair it has made me? It is like being told to win a chess tournament without ever knowing how to play....or the rules. I don't feel like a fool, I feel like people got a thrill from my suffering and the precious time off of my life. What sadistic people created this? I have lived an absolute, horrific nightmare. I guess I just sit here and wait for what ever cruel thing happens next? I have been sobbing my eyes out for days and am so tired I can barely stand it and I am the one who is punished?
My disgust is endless. My health has suffered. This was a terrible joke and not funny. It was grown up bullying. I am angry. Life is short enough and I have had horror through much of it. All I can say is fuck you to everyone who made me suffer and want to die many times over. It was inhumane.
Cp

• 
  

This is what broken feels like.

I've been sobbing again. It even scares me. I have been desperately sad.

Follow me - John Denver

Please keep him safe.

Each day he would make my life beautiful.

"They say when you meet the love of your life...time stops."
I have, it did.

I would work hard to be in Be
shape. He motivated me before....
It would happen again.

Doing pretty well. Hope he is too.  He is one smart guy.

"There are very few things in life that come without a cost." There is no cost too great for me to care about you. It is all I could want. I would do anything for you.

Reading "Franny and Zooey". It just happened to be in my car. I grabbed it before being dropped off. It makes me think of you.

I wish he were here. I want a hug.

Dead tired.

Blessed Feast Day! Dear Cheryl, I hope you are able to take time today to celebrate with us the life and spirit of our dear friend, St. Therese. The Carmelites will remember you and your intentions at all of their Feast Day Masses, especially at the National Shrine in Darien, IL. While many pilgrims from all over are joining us at the National Shrine, we know not everyone can be here. That is why I am inviting you to join us in our Feast Day Novena Prayer. This special prayer will be recited at our Feast Day Masses. St. Therese Feast Day Novena St. Therese, Flower of fervor and love, please intercede for us. Fill our hearts with your pure love of God. As we celebrate your Feast Day, make us more aware of the goodness of God and how well He tends His garden. Instill in us your little way of doing ordinary things with extraordinary love. Give us the heart of a child who wonders at life and embraces everything with loving enthusiasm. Teach us your delight in God’s ways so that divine charity may blossom in our hearts. Little Flower of Jesus, bring our petitions (mention in silence here) before God, our Father. With your confidence, we come before Jesus as God’s children, because you are our heavenly friend. As we celebrate the Feast Day of your homecoming in heaven, continue to shower roses and grace upon us. Amen We invite you to submit any prayer petitions for her Feast Day by visiting our website. Thank you for your great devotion to St. Therese and for being a faithful supporter of the Carmelites. Let Us Pray For You Feast Day Blessings, Fr. Tom Schrader, O. Carm. Society of the Little Flower, Director United States: 1313 N Frontage Rd • Darien, IL 60561 • Tel: 1.800.621.2806 | Canada: 7020 Stanley Ave. • Niagara Falls, ON L2G 7B7 • Tel: 1.800.922.7622 ©1923 - 2019 Society of the Little Flower | United States | Canada Web Version  Preferences  Unsubscribe  Powered by Mad Mimi®A GoDaddy® company

I wonder if he could possibly ever love me?

He would always be my first priority.

I want to talk to him all day and all night.

Life is fragile.